Dear:

Dear Noah, 
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
 Sincerely, Unicorns


 Dear Twilight fans,
 Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
 Enjoy fantasizing about that.
 Sincerely, Logic


 Dear Icebergs,
 Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a b*tch.
 Sincerely, The Titanic


 Dear J.K. Rowling,
 Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginga kid with two friends?
 Sincerely, Anonymous


 Dear Boyfriend,
 I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
 Sincerely, Spiders


 Dear Yahoo,
 I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..."  Just saying...
 Sincerely, Google


 Dear girls who have been dumped,
 There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
 Sincerely, BP


 Dear Rose,
 There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
 Sincerely, Jack
 
Dear Windshield Wipers,
 Can't touch this.
 Sincerely, That Little Triangle


 Dear Saturn,
 I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
 Sincerely, God


 Dear Rubik's Cube,
 Done!
 Sincerely, Colorblind


 Dear Santa,
 Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's.
 Sincerely, Tiger Woods


 Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
 I. Can't. Breathe.
 Sincerely, Your Balls


 Dear Romeo,
 My death isn't the only thing I've been faking...
 Sincerely, Juliet


 Dear Fox News,
 So far, no news about foxes.
 Sincerely, Unimpressed


 Dear Toaster,
 Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
 Sincerely, Toast


 Dear Prince Charming,
 You've got some explaining to do!
 Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty